Deciding our Fate?
I am not even going to apologize for not posting more often. It just wasn't in the cards, people, but I'm here now.
It's been an emotional kind of week, with lots of highs and a couple of lows. We have been home for about 10 days now and I would say we are "back to normal" (don't even get me started on what the heck "normal" is). We are staying at my mom's place, in Langley, BC, and we are able to stretch out and slowly collect our thoughts and our things and try to plan out some next steps for our life.
Being that it is December, we are not expecting much. Everyone is in holiday-mode and nothing quite feels normal in December. I don't hold it against anyone ;)
Still, Matt has pursued a couple of job interviews and opportunities. We have the mentality of "pursue every avenue!" so we haven't said no to anything. After an interview, we really weigh the pro's and con's of what that life might look like and we make a decision together to move forward. So far, nothing has seemed the right fit. It's this funny place to be: this next interview could determine our fate. No pressure or anything. I have such confidence in Matt's skills and abilities, I'm not truly worried there won't be work for him, but it's hard to let those fears go.
These last 13 months have been a series of ups and downs. This isn't a surprise to us, but it is wearing on a us a little. We are all craving some roots, to set them deep and to relish the experience of staying still for a while. We've known this day would come where life would finally catch up with us, but when it finally hits you in the face, well, it's still considered a punch.
For us, it's felt strange how NOT strange it has felt to be back home. Things are as we left them, mostly, and it (mostly) feels good. But as these days wear on, and reality creeps closer and closer. Matt and I are giving each other side-glances with raised eyebrows, words without words, saying "maybe we really have changed?". Our priorities have shifted dramatically this past year and so have our dreams for the future, so it only stands to reason that our present has to shift as well. We've been grappling with that this week: we don't fit into our hometown anymore. We've caught up with some friends and family and that is all solid and wonderful, but we aren't sure where we belong anymore.
So with that slightly depressing and confusing realization, we've decided to go explore a little. This weekend we will be heading towards the Sunshine Coast of BC and then over to Vancouver Island so fill our inspiration-buckets. We've always loved the Island and the Sunshine Coast but have never really looked at it as though it could be a place we could call home (deep down, we want to live in BC). Maybe the pace of life there is a little calmer, life a little more suitable for a single income family who doesn't want all of their dollars going towards paying off a mortgage for the rest of their living days. Maybe the fresh air away from everything we know will give us some clear insight as to what is truly important in our lives. I mean, we just had a year of that, I know, but coming back home and seeing and wanting all the things has skewed our judgment.
Growing up is hard, making decisions is hard and change is definitely hard. We are trying to take these next steps with grace and patience, trying to weigh the good and the bad, and always moving forward together as a family.